7 Things that Surprised me as a New Mom

Everything is a brand new experience when you become a mother for the first time and there are bound to be surprises.  After all, you can’t possibly anticipate everything!

Here are the top 7 things that surprised me and my tips for you:

1)  Sleep:  Before Arthur was born I carefully researched sleeping arrangements.  I knew that I definitely didn’t want to co-sleep and I definitely didn’t want my tiny newborn sleeping in a crib in another room.  My husband and I agreed upon a beautiful Arms Reach Co-sleeper that opens up on one side so I could easily see, touch and reach our new baby.  Well, the joke was on me because nothing I did, nothing my mother did, nothing my husband did could get Arthur to sleep in the damn co-sleeper.  He would reach a full blown wail about 10 minutes after putting him down in it.  We became co-sleepers for the first 16 months of his life. 

    Nap times weren’t any better. He would not sleep unless I put him in his soft sided carrier and walked around the block singing.                      

   Eventually he would  fall asleep in his swing.  Sometimes the only way he would sleep was in his carseat driving aimlessly around our desert community.  

TIP: throw out all your books on sleeping along with any mommy guilt for what methods you are using to get your child to sleep (outside of boozing the poor kid up of course! That you should feel guilty about). 

2) Hiccups: the hiccups! Oh my god the hiccups!  I had no idea babies could get them so often and be perfectly fine.  Arthur was plagued by hiccups all day and all night for like the first 4 months of his little life. 

TIP: Don’t worry about the hiccups and invest in several bottles of Gripe Water.  Maybe even buy stock in the stuff. 

3)  How hard it is to “sleep while the baby sleeps”:  I wanted to sleep.  I really, really wanted to sleep.  I wanted sleep like an addict longs for a hit.  But when the baby was sleeping I had so many things pulling my attention.  Do I take a shower?  Eat a meal? Do a load of laundry? or sleep?  So many, many conflicting needs! 

TIP:  never say no if someone offers to take the baby for a bit so you can sleep.  If you’re starving have a quick piece of toast or two with loads of peanut butter and then go sleep.  The snack will help you get to sleep and use every minute you can for resting. 

4)  Going into public with a baby:  Something I continue to relish is how dramatically the dynamics have changed with strangers.  Before, going to the grocery store was primarily a solitary experience.  Now, going to the grocery store with a new baby or cute toddler, it’s a social event.  I love how my childs’ sweet face brings out the kindness, humor and friendliness in complete strangers.  That is an ongoing gift I never expected to receive. 

TIP:  Make eye contact with others, especially other parents.  Smile, comment, enjoy your baby with total strangers.  It feels so good to connect with people! 

5)  How badly my libido plummeted:  neither my husband nor I realized how challenging and how painfully long it would take to get our sexy times started up again.  While I was prepared ahead  knowing I would be sleep deprived for a while, I was not prepared for how painful P in V intercourse would be for soooooo long nor for how low my libido would plunge.  (low as in non-existent). 

TIP:  Lots and lots of patience.  Give yourself time to get to know your new body.  It may need different stimulation and tons of lube.  My favorite is Jo Cranberry personal lubricant and lube found here:  https://www.amazon.com/System-Jo-CRANBERRY-Lubricant-Cranberry/dp/B00OVA1V9E.  Don’t engage in P in V sex until you are ready but do engage in lots of other kinds of touch. 

6)  Adrenaline: I survived on adrenaline for at least the first 12 weeks.  It was very helpful in managing the night time wakings, exceedingly long nursing sessions and screaming diaper changes.  That much adrenaline and how helpful it was surprised the heck out of me. 

TIP:  Just go with it while you have it!! And if you don’t, lots of black tea or coffee.   

7) The depth of love I felt toward my husband:  love for my man gushed out of me.  Not the “I want to jump your bones” kind of love (much to his disappointment) but the “You are incredible and I can’t believe you’re mine” kind of love.  It was a strong experience and a lovely benefit to all the unpredictable hormones. 

TIP 1: Write down your experience.  If you feel bonded, connected, grateful, loving write it all down!  You will never have this moment in time again and writing will solidifying the feeling for you. 

TIP 2:  Tell your spouse or partner (or whoever is helping you) how much you value and care for them.  Express all the love in your heart.  Focus on how many ways your partner is amazing.  Doing this is putting “money in the emotional bank” as the Gottman’s say.