Every time I read an article anything relating to a new baby the article almost always (like 99.9% of the time) starts off saying something like “getting pregnant is such as exciting time!” or “this is such a joyful amazing time.” This was so very different from my experience both during pregnancy and for the first few months of my child’s life it made me wonder, “What kind of mother am I to feel this way?” Thankfully I’ve long since stopped asking myself this painful question because I know there is nothing wrong with me.
Instead I have realized that my experience is not represented in mainstream thought. Very few people stop to consider that there are many, many reactions to pregnancy and to becoming a mother. Everybody- doctors, nurses, friends, acquaintences, strangers- prefer to believe that every pregnancy and every baby is a purely joyful event. Reality does not reflect this. This encultrated assumption is why I am writing this post. It is why I’ve started this blog. And it is a big part of my “Why” for creating this company in the first place. I want new moms to realize that you are not alone and there is nothing wrong with you.
If you are worried, stressed, angry, scared, depressed during your pregnancy; If you do not feel one ounce of joy, excitement or happiness: You are not alone and there is nothing wrong with you.
If you don’t feel bonded with your baby during pregnancy; If you did not experience an immediate rush of love for your baby right after birth; If you felt nothing but relief or numbness: You are not alone and there is nothing wrong with you.
If you struggle with your transition into motherhood; if you feel you are losing yourself; if you worry constantly about everything; if you feel you are the only mom around feeling this way; if you can’t talk to your partner or family because they don’t understand: you are not alone and there is nothing wrong with you.
Sometimes mothers experience pregnancy or postpartum anxiety or depression. Sometimes these reach clinically diagnosable levels meaning they interfere with your ability to enjoy your life and to function. When this happens I urge you to contact a mental health professional or your medical provider. Postpartum Progress, a non-profit peer led organization is an amazing resource with more information and links for where to go for help. Please check out their FAQ page here: http://www.postpartumprogress.com/frequently-asked-questions-on-postpartum-depression-related-illnesses
What I passionately wish every mom Know in every cell of her body is this: your experience of pregnancy, birth and motherhood, no matter what, is exactly as it should be. It is yours- not your doctors, not the baby’s, not the father’s, not the grandparents. If you are feeling like you “Should” be experiencing something other than what you are, than you are being robbed of the truth of your experience. This experience with all its pain and all its hope is yours and it is exactly as it should be. Your unique experience will bring opportunities for personal growth, strength, courage and living your values in the world. It will grow you into who you are meant to be– with or without a joyful pregnancy.
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Love & light on your journey brave Mama.